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Women

Dionne Warwick - Still a da*n good song

And I never thought I'd feel this way
And as far as I'm concerned
I'm glad I got the chance to say
That I do believe I love you And if I should ever go away
Well, then close your eyes and try to feel
The way we do today
And then if you can remember Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for Well, you came and opened me
And now there's so much more I see
And so by the way I thank you Whoa, and then for the times when we're apart
Well, then close your eyes and know
These words are comin' from my heart
And then if you can remember, oh Keep smiling, keep shining
Knowing you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
In good times, in bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
Oh, that's what friends are for Whoa... oh... oh... keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, for sure
That's what friends are for
For good times and bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for Keep smilin', keep shinin'
Knowin' you can always count on me, oh, for sure
'Cause I tell you that's what friends are for
For good times and for bad times
I'll be on your side forever more
That's what friends are for (That's what friends are for) On me, for sure
That's what friends are for
Keep smilin', keep shinin'

Some advice given, from one mother to another

I gave this advice to a friend some time ago, but thought I'd post it up anyway.

Dear D,

Understand and empathize. It was really rough for me even though I think my helper is top notch. I was phoning home, cabbing back during lunch etc. and my mum-in-law also popped in at all hours to catch the helper randomly.

OK, this is going to be LONG. I will try to answer impartially, but will also include my experience below after it.

The major question really is how comfortable you are with Baby being cared for by someone other than family. I'm sure that this applies whether you have a domestic helper or if he was placed in an infant care facility.

Just remember that a lot of kids now go to playschool etc. by 18-24 mths of age, so whatever you choose need only apply for another year or two at the most. Factor in what I'm sure you will have experienced by now: that motherhood really does change your perception of time, tiredness, and life in general.

If the answer is no, you're not comfortable with that, then there are only two choices: you, or a family member you trust. A second question then would be how much monetary and time cost you are willing to bear if you do choose to stay at home (versus the gains of raising Baby personally, and possibly one or two more siblings as you go) and pit that against how much monetary and time cost you are willing to bear if you have to shuttle him back and forth, possibly to different family members' homes for designated days of the week (versus how much Baby will gain or lose in this arrangement).

If the answer is yes, you would be comfortable with paid care, then the secondary question is who. Judging by the fact that you've only left Baby with the helper for 30mins or less, you don't trust her very much. The alternative then is professional childcare centres. Are there any accessible to your workplace? Which means that every lunch hour, you will be able to breastfeed him etc? Of course, this is not fool-proof, but the likelihood of abuse is probably significantly less, although Baby will have to share attention and care with many other babies at this early stage.

It's tough to see it in such stark yes or no terms.

My own experience was that I trusted the helper enough, because my mum-in-law and I had very stringent criteria for hiring one. And my backup plan was the creche that is on the fourth floor of the hospital. I have an unfair advantage because I work in healthcare. They really do think about it holistically, and it's great that there IS a childcare place within the hospital itself. If I had had to put her there, I could have seen Bean after ward rounds, between meetings, during lunch etc.

Nevertheless I used to come home every day and do an infant medical examination - really check Bean over - to ensure that I didn't miss any signs of neglect or abuse (but again like I said, it's an unfair advantage).

For the helper, we were looking for someone for whom I would be the final employee (I think they are allowed max five, then it's out of Singapore, like it or not) and someone who wanted to stay in Singapore rather badly. This means that it is in her best interests to work well, so that she doesn't get repatriated, because there will be no further reentry possible. Also we wanted someone who has had a child of her own, because I feel that unless the helper has been a mother, she will never really understand what is needed. Thirdly, we wanted someone who was progressive, who keeps wanting to better herself. This tells me that she's not here to be lazy, and is willing to learn (and teach Bean later on, if so needed).

The first thing that I did with her when she arrived (I was 5 mths pregnant) was send her for a BCLS (basic life support) course - internationally-recognized certificate. She was very grateful coz it ain't cheap, and there is a cert to show, but that's what I need her to be good at. Currently she's taking 2 sundays off a mth, because she's forking out own money for a Microsoft Office course (Excel, Access etc.), so instead of giving her a raise this year, I gave her a laptop (worked out about the same in $). Also during weekdays, our arrangement is that she manages to finish up chores by the time I get home, and I'll take Bean completely off her hands so that she can do her coursework.

If you go with the childcare option, please visit those places. Stay for hours if they let you. Other moms can recommend all we want, but your own gut feel when you see it is what is going to count. Also look into the pre- and post-hours, when they may have to hang on to Baby if you get busier later. What happens then?

It's tedious to go through it, but think about this: If you were a baby, what do you need? Aside from being fed well with the right food, being hydrated, sleeping enough, having toileting needs taken care of, there is also the need to be stimulated. Not just sounds and colours, but the social growth of a child (I'm sure you have tonnes of books). So things like snuggling up to a person, building confidence because he knows that every time he turns away, when he turns back, his carer is still there, knowing when to ask for something and when to chill out etc. What meets his needs best without sacrificing too much yourself?

Life-changing Medicine

Hey Y'all, I'm still working, although I'm at home.

Running a workshop for a partner institution, and it addresses some H1N1 issues.

It's the 2nd of two sessions, and it seems to be doing some good on the ground.

I have some great people with me doing this work.

By the way, did I say that I've stopped seeing patients for good?

Blogging from Shanghai

Woo! I'm in Shanghai!

My first time - touched down yesterday at about 1330H. Hopped in a cab, checked in, and went walking with Hubby along Nanjing Rd down to the Bund. Lots of construction going on. Bought a silk scarf within 2 hours of touchdown! Hubby is awed.

Had drinks and snacks at 3 On The Bund's rooftop bar (New Heights). Must admit - the drinks (a ginger mojito-like thing) were yummy, as were the squid rings, done thick with a thin batter.......YUM~~~

We then wandered back to the hotel, rested up, and went to dinner at Lynn, in a very fashionable part of town. Contemporary pre-Rev Shanghainese food. They have this weird dish, which is a filling of chopped up meat and veg, and a pastry with sesame seeds on top, but shaped like half a french baguette cut in half, which tastes fabulous.

Dinner was had with Hubby's good pal from way back when and his preggers wife. Us wives chatted about career/pregnancy/life changes while the dudes exchanged notes on the food, and we were advised on the must-see/do's around town.

This morning, Hubby dutifully went off to attend his conference, and I was left to my own devices - which of course translated into a day-long shopping spree! I took a cab (man, they are so worth the ride here, as long as you make sure they use the meter - "da biao") to Huaihai Zhong Lu ("lu" means "road") and did a little up-down circuit, including Maoming Lu.

Had one of Hubby's shirts with me, hoping to get some bespoke stuff made for him, but nothing hit me. Instead, found myself a gorgeous cheongsam (off the rack!) with brown knit-lace overlay on top of a lime green silk lining. The lady at the shop was both amused and very helpful. Amused that I, in my Malaysian-Singaporean half-a**ed mandarin, was asking her some pretty complicated questions, and helpful because she helped me decide on which one to take.

Stopped by the H&M flagshop store after that (yes, I'm SO partial) and picked up a large bagful of stuff for my little Bean. Got something for Suki too, and a little bit for Samantha's two daughters. Woohoo!!!

Saw this (good gawwwddd):

Meandered my way back to the hotel, picking up a couple of other things along the way.

And now.....Hubby's back from conference, and we'll be off to Xintiandi for a walk and dinner!

Suki's Fullmoon Party

The Bro and Diana threw a fullmoon lunch for Baby Suki today.

It's amazing how time flies. She's nearly 4 weeks old, and has grown, visibly, from when we saw her in the hospital. Diana dressed her in a lovely white dress with a chiffon waistband, and the sweetest tiny little rosebud-embellished socks ever. And Suki was an absolute darling, sleeping gently for most of the party, and only waking to peep at the crowd of wellwishers cooing at her in her pram.

Diana's mum had come all the way from Kobe, and Dad was here from KL. Some of the Bro's friends had journeyed down from KL this very morning, and were going to drive back tonight. These are good friends indeed, and I remember them from when they were all pimply and chubby, in school uniforms that smelt of sunshine and dirt.

Everyone had a lot of fun and we ate until our seams burst, at The Line, Shangrila.

All in all, it lasted 3 hours and filled us up with enough to last til tomorrow.

The best thing? Seeing little Suki growing so well, and BEING SO DARN CUTE~~~~~~

Sneezy sniffy grumpy Bean

Bean's at the tail end of an upper respiratory tract infection.

These bugs are annoying enough to an adult, so to kiddies they are trebly annoying! A blocked nose in a chubby little girl is a BAD THING. She can't sleep in the air con because her nose stuffs up, but can't sleep without it because she gets all hot and sticky.

Solution? We are now a household that owns an air humidifier in the shape of a little piggy that snorts vapour. Add a little bit of peppermint oil to scent the fumes, and we're ready to rock.

So Bean sleeps in my arms with the air con on, Piggy at mid-blast, and is now getting over her infection :)

Cocoa-Bean

My little Bean had her first (and second, and third) taste of chocolate nougatine cake today :)

We went to lunch with Hubby' mum and sister, to a nice little Oz joint tucked away in the middle of a row of shops in a housing estate - Jules, it is called.

Yum food, cheery company.

Bean and I had gone to the Bro's house this morning to see little Suki, Diana, and Mom and Dad who had driven down (again!) for this. Because Bean had laughed her way through an hour with her Ah Gong (my Dad - "Ah Gong" is the term for maternal grandfather in cantonese) in the playground, she was NOT about to sleep between us getting home and going out to lunch.

Therefore, a slightly noddy little girl and her mummy went to lunch with her Ma Ma (paternal grandmother) and Ah Goh (paternal aunt in hokkien). Luckily the lunch venue was well-stocked with a kiddy corner of books, toys, and board games.

On the way back to the car, we spotted a sign that read "3 cakes - $10" which was eye-catching because it sounded ludicrously well-priced. Us ladies (sweet teeth, every single one!) wandered into the shop, and ended up buying 6 cakes in all.

Hubby's sister (we'll call her Marge henceforth) had just had a job promotion, and she wanted to buy something for her staff. Hubby's mum wanted something for the home. I wanted the choc royaltine (as above) for Hubby.....and a little for Bean.

Bean had been good all the way into the shop, but when the baker proffered a free bite of choc royaltine (it's really nougatine with a prettier name), she automatically swivelled to him and opened her little mouth "aah" - all ready for cake! After a few thoughtful munches, little Bean turned her dimpled smile on the baker again with a loud baby-voiced "More!". He was so tickled that he gave her a few more bites subsequently.

So.....sustained on a mini chocolate high, little Bean and I dropped off the folks at home then came back to nap. She's now run down her little battery and is sleeping the restful peaceful sleep of babies......little chest going up and down :)

Wishlist Autumn/Winter '09

Hmm, in light of the fact that I reside in a tropical country, perhaps the list ought to read "Wishlist Monsoon/Party '09" because that more accurately reflects the soppy weather this time of year, and the hard rockin' that will carry on pretty much til Easter.

1) Striped dress. I already have a mock turtlenecked one, with a forgiving stretch that hits mid-thigh, but I wanted something multi-coloured (mine is classic black and white) such as these (Vivienne Westwood and Pringle respectively):

2) A duffel or barrel bag with short handles and a long-ish strap. Not too big. Along the lines of this shape (Sofia Coppola for LV, Tory Burch, and Loewe respectively):

 

3) A matte orange-red lippy, likely from Nars. Or a pharmacy-based brand. Haven't found one to show you.

4) Diamonds ;) On rose gold. Undoubtedly among a girl's best friends.'

Quick trip up to KL

Went up to KL last weekend with Bean and Annie.

My cousin got hitched to a nice unassuming Belgian dude. She was protecting him from the onslaught of multitudes of relatives (hah, what did I tell you, Ze Clan Is Large) and to his credit, he did well.

Little Bean was being her charming cute self. She walked around and introduced herself to various members of the clan with her dimpled "hi" and even an occasional handshake. Supervised by Annie, of course.

I tell ya, my lil' daughter's gonna give me hell as a teenager.

We spent the rest of the weekend hanging out with the folks. Dad was super-busy juggling work, time with me, and predominantly, time with little Bean. She got a swim, a snack, an outing to a supermarket, and even a longed-for trip to Toys R Us, where Dad indulged in his grandfatherly whims and bought her a baby doll.

Mom managed to find my old toy teaset, which we used to drink Milo out of. She also found our old lanterns! Amazing. They are still in perfect condition. Bean chose a new goldfish lantern. Coincidentally, I had an old fish lantern too :) The cockerel was the Bro's favourite.

It was a good trip. It's so good to be in KL sometimes. One of the things that I will always miss is my huge rowdy family, and the sense of warmth, space, and cosiness that can only come with a clan of this size.